My thoughts on G.I. JOE:

Dear Hollywood, every time you say something like “nanomites,” I hear “magic wizard powers.”

My thoughts on Transformers 2:

I didn’t know there was a hole in my life until it was filled by seeing Optimus Prime kick the shit out of three Decepticons at once.

My thoughts on Star Trek:

Zachary Quinto can stare me down with that slightly alien sociopathic gaze of his any time he wants.

My thoughts on Wolverine:

Shit dude, can Hugh Jackman pop the vein in his forehead at will?

My thoughts on the Watchmen movie:

Malin Akerman’s boobs.

That is all.