I found the following fortune in a Panda Express* fortune cookie tonight: “You are a connoisseur of fine food and drink.”

No. No I am not. I’m eating (against my better judgement) Americanized Chinese food in Palm Desert and drinking Dr. Pepper, a beverage that contains exactly zero ingredients found in nature. I ain’t a connoisseur of shit.

On a related note, my Dad once told me a joke about this German-Chinese fusion restaurant. He said the food’s great, but half an hour later you’re hungry for power.

*Or as my Dad calls it, “Panda On A Stick.”**
**Don’t ask.